Five Minute Countdown to Freedom from Shame

 

I know this may come as a terrible shock to some of you, but really, truly, honestly ......   it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you. Cross my heart and hope to die. The only person whose opinion matters about what you say or do is   ...  go on, guess. You've got it - it's you! If you are comfortable with it, whatever it is, then that's good enough. If your partner, mother, 'them' don't like it. that's just tough. You can certainly take their opinion under consideration - and then make your own decision. This is your responsibility: to stand in your own truth even if someone disagrees with you. If they disagree with you in a way that seeks to put you down, or to feel ashamed, don't accept that invitation. Just because someone throws you a ball doesn't mean you have to catch it.

 

 

It's a waste of mental and emotional energy to keep replaying the old story over and over. If you

made a mistake, or did something you wish you hadn't, just let it go, it's done. If you need to, make amends in some way - apologise or explain, and then let it go. If you keep replaying the whole thing on a loop inside your head, use this technique for stopping obsessive thoughts: every time the thought comes, and you start to feel the familiar bad feelings say to yourself (aloud is best, though maybe not for every occasion!) "Stop! Cancel! Clear! Get the shame out of here!" (With nods to Andy Dooley for this formula) and think about something uplifting instead. Do this every time, and the thoughts will soon begin to extinguish themselves. Deprive them of oxygen (ie your attention) and they cannot burn.

 

 

 

Accept that everything happens for a purpose and is here to teach us something. Nothing happens in a vacuum, and we are all here to learn the lessons of this lifetime. Put your error, misdemeanour, sin or faux pas into this context and it becomes much easier to get some sense of perspective. Another good way to do this is to imagine you in your house, in your street, in your town, in your country, in your continent, in your planet. in your solar system, in your galaxy and then ask yourself how significant your previously unforgiveable error is. And speaking of forgiveness......

 

 

 

Forgive yourself. To err is human, to forgive divine, Who said that? Alexander Pope (just looked it
up). Whatever, he was right, except that he may not have accepted that we are all divine and all have the capacity, and even duty, to forgive ourselves. Everybody screws up - it's a fact of life. Get over it, and get over yourself.

Hold on to your hats for number one. There are no rules anyway. Okay, I'll say it again. There are no rules anyway.

Gabriel says:

To live with these things is to deny your divinity, beloved ones. To live with these things is to believe that you can be harmed by others’ opinions or words, that there are rules by which you must live, when really they are only fabrications of long ago, resistant to change and growth. They are designed to keep you in your place, to keep you small and unseen and to control you.

To be truly free is to live an authentic life, trusting your own inner knowing, acknowledging the beliefs of others without subsuming yourself to them. Be bold, dear hearts, be bold.

 

 

 

So there is your challenge - be bold, release the shame and live in freedom. Easy!

 

 

But if you'd like some help;

 

Read the book!   How to be a Wild Woman  http://amzn.to/WLezWe

 

Visit the website! http://julia-eastwood.com

 

Follow me on Facebook!  http://facebook.com/juliaoracle

 

 

You can do it, beloved, you can do it!

 

Blessings,

 

Julia

 

 



 



 

To

 

The Shame of Being Fat

I was prompted to write this blog after a conversation with a friend. I'd asked her for feedback about why no one had signed up for what I thought was going to be a pretty bloody fantastic new course about how to stop the misery of yo-yo dieting forever. I'd had lots of interest - far more than for anything else I've ever offered - but no one actually going through with coming on board. This is what she had to say: 

large women in particular do such a good job of convincing themselves that they like being the size they are and that they 'might be fat, but they're happy' - they are terrified that if they accept that isn't the real way they feel that they will just curl up in a ball and die of shame. That fear is what keeps them fat and while you are inspirational; that is a huge wall you have to knock down and I can't think how you could do that easily!  I have to admit that I feel a little that way myself and I am someone who knows you well and trusts you implicitly.

Well, that was a quite a shock: I so pride myself on my empathy, and I've written loads about the corrosive impact of shame on women's sense of well-being and ability to truly enjoy being in the world, and I'd completely missed this one! Despite being overweight for most of my life, and knowing all too well the insidious lack of self-esteem and despair, I was so full of bounce and excitement that I've finally got it licked, that I know the secret to changing the mindset and the other tricks I'd come up with, that I forgot. I forgot about pretending not to care when someone makes a snide remark, or when the shop never has your size or the button pops at the most embarrassing moment. I forgot how much energy it takes to convince myself that I look better with a bit of padding, or that it's what's inside that counts.

So I'm sorry. And I'd like to put that right, if I may, by talking about the shame of being fat and how to get shot of that once and for all.

What I have come to learn about being overweight is that the fat has a purpose. It may be a tad warped, a bit of a twist in logical thinking, but nevertheless there is a purpose. Many years ago you made a decision, or possibly a series of decisions, that the  best way to keep yourself safe was to pile on the weight. Your ego felt that you were in danger of some sort, and this was the best solution it could come up with at the time to ward off the threat.

I'll tell you a bit of my story to show how that works. I'd known about this function of the ego for some time, what with my training in psychotherapy an'all, and spent some time thinking about what the purpose of being fat was for me. I came up with two layers (which I only much later realised that in turn covered up a third, but I'll come on to that later). The surface layer was the old 'fat is a feminist issue' thing: I wanted man to admire me for my mind, so I made my body as unattractive as possible so that I could be sure that if a guy was interested in me, it had to be for my brains. Makes sense, n'est ce pas? But I felt that this was only half the story. I found it difficult, but I confronted the second layer that actually the fat was there to justify to myself why men found me unattractive. In other words, if I was overweight, I didn't have to look any deeper for the reason why in junior school the boy I loved never asked me to do country dancing with him. The decision I made at this age was that men will not fancy me, so I may as well pretend I don't care - sometimes I even convinced myself.

This uncovering the reasoning behind my obesity kept me going for years.

And then I found the real reason.

One of the deepest levels of belief that I held about myself, an unbreakable rule even, was that it was not ok for me to be seen. I did everything I could in all areas of my life to avoid coming to anybody's attention - personal, career, you name it. This was the point of greatest 'danger' for me. I was a very bright kid, but got very mixed messages about that from my family, and eventually learned to protect myself by hiding away and not really ever doing as well as I should have. And of course, being fat is the ultimate invisibility cloak.

Looking back over the past couple of years I can see the path that I've taken to shed this belief. It started when I fulfilled a secret lifelong ambition, and started to take singing lessons. I'd always sang, all the time, but only under my breath so that no-one could hear me. Taking the lessons was the catalyst for me emerging from behind my disguise, and everything I've done since has been steps to allowing myself to be seen, to move into my purpose in life and stick my head above the parapet.

Has it been scary? You betcha! There have been obstacles, my ego has done it's darnedest to keep me invisible and 'safe', setting up some horrible experiences that have tested me to the limit. But I am safe, and nothing can harm me. I'm a grown-up now, I can handle the fact that some people will criticise and disapprove of me.

And I don't have to feel shame or be fat any longer. In fact, I thank my ego for doing so well in protecting me all these years, and tell her that she can have a well-earned rest now - I'll take over from here.

This is your truth too. Your fat is serving a purpose and when you have identified it you will be able to release it, as I have. There is nothing to feel ashamed of in doing your best to look after yourself. Your messages may well be very different from mine. But the time has come for you too to take control of your life, release the pounds, release the pain and love your life.

Let me  know if I can help in any way, or take a look here: http://julia-eastwood.com.

Love and blessings,

Julia

Be not afraid

I’ve been thinking a lot about fear lately. I came to realise that I have spent most of my life being afraid of one thing or another. You probably know the drill: afraid of getting it wrong, of getting into trouble, of someone not liking me, or criticising me. I’ve been afraid of not having enough money, of not dressing well, of failure, of success ….  unfortunately the list goes on.

 

But what I have come to realise is that there is nothing to be afraid of. Yes, tough things have happened, some people haven’t liked me, I have got into trouble (in both the old-fashioned sense and the literal), I have got things wrong and you know what? I’m still here, the sun continues to rise in the morning, I am still loved and above all – I am safe.

 

Because that’s where it all comes from, of course. All those fears are about not being safe in the world, as though what happens out there has anything to do with who I am – the real me, not the good girl who has tried so hard all her life. To feel unsafe is a killer – sometimes literally, but it certainly kills our soul. When we believe that who we are is defined at someone else’s whim, then that sets us up for some very rocky ground.

 

But at last, at my grand old age, I have come to see this for the great lie that it is.  I am never not in charge of my own thoughts and feelings, and short of a knife-wielding homicidal maniac, no-one can truly hurt me without my say-so.

 

The irony is that I have always regarded myself in many ways as courageous, and I have been preaching the gospel of living without fear for a long time now, first as a psychotherapist and now as a spiritual teacher, but it’s only been in these last few days that I have really seen the truth and welcomed it into my whole being.

 

There is nothing to be afraid of.

 

Nothing.

 

Nothing can hurt me unless I allow it, and now I choose to not allow it. I know that this metamorphosis has come about through my developing spiritual journey, as I have learned to take total responsibility for everything that happens to me and to grow in my trust in a generous, loving Universe. If you think that that just demonstrates my gullibility and new age wankerdom, so what? I know my own truth. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say, ”I am not afraid.” What about you?

Five Ways to Develop Your Intuition

We all have the potential to tap into our innate intuitive gifts, but as children we slowly learn to suppress our intuition in the face of parental or family expectations and beliefs. But the good news is that intuition is just like a muscle, so open up that can of Popeye spinach, and let’s get exercising!

If you’ve ever fancied having a go yourself at becoming more in tune with Spirit or the Universal Consciousness, here’s five ways that worked for me:

 

1.  Next time you have a decision to make, pause for a moment and ask yourself how you feel about the options. Allow yourself to sense which choice makes you feel happy, uplifted and moving forward. This is always an indication that this would be a good choice. If you feel, hear or know a check in your spirit, a feeling that something isn’t quite right, then this is a ‘no’. Be careful here not to let your ego do the work – she can easily convince you that something is right just because you want it! Ask your Higher Self to take the lead here, maybe asking ‘is this for my higher good?’. You may not hear the answer you want, but you will hear the answer you need.

  2.  Write a daily journal. In this place, write everything, and I do mean

everything, you are feeling, hearing or knowing. It doesn’t have to make sense, it doesn’t have to be a fine piece of literature, it doesn’t need perfect spelling and punctuation, it just needs to be from the heart. Pour out your thoughts and experiences, ask questions and write the answers, tell the Universe what you want. You will be amazed at the response you get from Source. Sure, you’ll tell yourself that you’re just making it up, that you’re only writing what you want to hear, but ignore the scared, frantic voice of your ego as she tries to keep you safe and in the same place you’ve always been. Push past it, and keep writing, every day. Just show up, and the angels will too.
 
 3.  If you don’t already have one, buy an oracle card pack and use it every day.

You can just pull a single card in the morning and ask for the day’s message, or do one of the numerous formal spreads. The sorts of questions I ask are ‘what do you want me to know today’, or more specific ones such as ‘what part of my business should I work on today’?’.  Again, when the sceptical inner voice tries to get in the way, thank it for its opinion, but that you choose not to take its advice at this time. The cards will also help you with making decisions, revealing your life purpose – well, absolutely anything, really. The more you ask them, the quicker the way in which they speak to you personally will be revealed.

 4.  Make meditation part of your daily spiritual practice. As you still your mind, allow yourself to hear the sounds of the Universe and to see the pictures that the Universe gives you. Trust yourself to understand their meaning, but if you struggle, ask the angels to make the meaning crystal clear.
 
5.  Follow the first thought. This is usually our intuitive response to a question or situation: what comes next is the adapted response that we learned as children to put in place of our intuition as we struggled to survive in our families of origin. Sometimes that first thought is so fleeting we’re not even aware of it, but with practice you will be able to identify it earlier and earlier, in time to forestall the inevitable ‘safe’ responses (bless your poor little ego, it’s only trying to help!).

And finally,  bonus number 6 – work with an intuitive (like me, hint, hint) who will mentor, support, teach and encourage to develop these wonderful gifts and get out there in the world to make a difference!

When Someone Hurts You - 5 Steps to Recovery

It is so painful when somebody you have loved, trusted or helped as best you can, turns and rejects everything you have done. Especially when this is accompanied by abuse, criticism and the apparent desire on the part of the other person to inflict maximum damage.I know exactly how you feel, because I have been in that position of hurt many times. I usually go into victim mode, disbelief at first, then crying that I did my best, feeling useless but at the same time unvalued and that everybody hates me. Sometimes, I then move into persecutor mode and call my enemy some pretty choice names and think of how I can be avenged. I rarely go through with this, though – my preferred tactic is withdrawal, obsessive thinking and lots of chocolate. Others of you may act out in some way – raging, smashing plates and so on.

 Needless to say, none of these responses are very healthy, although you may gain some short-term relief.

 One of the difficult lessons of the spiritual path is that we are responsible for everything that happens to us. Everything. No exceptions.

 So the only possible response is to look within and identify what we did to bring this event about, and what lesson we are trying to teach ourselves through it.

 Yes, I know. We didn’t ask to be hurt, or have everything thrown back in our faces, did we? Who would choose that?

 And yet we do.

 I see it as a battle going on in our heads. On one side we have ‘the forces of light’ – our divine self, our purpose and the spiritual team that surrounds us and helps us – and on the other, our ego, whose job is to keep us safe and help us survive in a world that it thinks is cruel, difficult and frightening. Our ego will do anything to ‘prove’ that the decisions we made as children adapting to the demands and expectations of our families and society were correct and essential to our survival, even when it seems completely mad to deliberately create unpleasant happenings. Together with these two forces we have the Universe’s Law of Attraction – thoughts become things, that which we think (even subconsciously) most about will be drawn to us.

 So if we believe that people are ungrateful and traitorous, we will attract those people into our life. If we believe that we are rubbish, then we will make the mistakes that demonstrate that. If we believe that we are fundamentally unloveable, then we will draw in the people who will abuse and/or abandon us.

 So here is a 5 step plan when you are feeling hurt and betrayed by those around you.

 

1. Forgive the person who hurt you and send loving and forgiving thoughts their way. Holding on to resentment only hurts you – the other person doesn’t care! Remember – ‘holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die’ (Buddha).
2.  Look within to see what beliefs about yourself are being confirmed by this situation. Then change the beliefs through affirmations such as ‘I am loveable’, ‘I deserve to be treated well’, ‘I am a perfectly divine woman’ and so on. Consciously decide to turn bad thoughts into positive, loving ones – you may need to keep practising this for a while! If you need to work on loving yourself, do the work; I promise you that it will be worth it.
3. Remember that nobody has the power to make you feel anything. They can have a damn good try, of course, but ultimately you have to make the decision to allow it. Choose not to.
4. Ask deep questions about what the Universe is trying to tell you through this situation. It may be that you have to let go of some beliefs about yourself as I’ve said above, or let go of a person, change some unhealthy habits (like putting everyone else first) or even reconsider your career, or find your life purpose or path.
5. Do not take what the other person has said personally. Oh, I know it can feel very personal, but it really isn’t. The harsh words/ betrayal have come from a dark place in that other person and are simply a projection of the bad stuff they’re feeling, on to you. Imagine a sheet of glass between you and the other – you can still see and hear each other, but the crap just slides harmlessly down the glass and never reaches your soul.

 

 

 I hope this has helped. Know that you are enough just as you are, and the only thing that can truly hurt you is yourself. Choose better.

 

Love and blessings.

 

Julia xx

 

 

 

 

 

How to Own Your Power and Beauty

How do we own our power and our beauty? How do we deny the years of self sabotage, self criticism or even self hatred? What does owning our power and beauty even mean?                

Well, for me it means transcending our training, training at the hands of family, school, society and trusting in the knowing that we are not of this earth, that we are beautiful beings of spirit, here to have fun and joy in the way that we decided upon before we even arrived here. Yes, that’s quite a concept to get your head round, but when you do, everything falls into place, and you can meet any challenge with a lightness of heart and even gratitude. All setbacks are here to teach and guide us. We so often see them as proof of our inadequacy and retreat into despair and self-loathing; how much better to laugh, maybe sigh a little at how often we need the reminder, and ask ourselves ‘okay, what is this experience trying to tell me?’.

I am learning this the hard way, just like you. But I promise it gets easier with practice.

Here are some practical tips to reclaim your beauty and power that work for me:

• Look into the mirror closely (I’ll bet you just thought ‘oh, shit’). Go on, look really closely – look into your eyes and see the wisdom, beauty, compassion and love held there. Allow yourself to feel them, drown in them, feel joy in them.
• I know that when I make the effort to wash, put on some make-up and clothes that suit me, my whole mood lifts, my vibration raises, and I’m filled with confidence. As a good feminist, I used to believe that this was all superficial crap, designed to appeal to men and beneath me. If I want to slop around in ugly, baggy clothes I can, that says nothing about me as a person. Well, there is a grain in truth in that, but now I know that it was one of my ways to keep myself small and hidden. When I dress in my power, I feel and look amazing. A website I found enormously helpful here was http://dressingyourtruth.com – no affiliate link – it just changed the way I dress and look. And feel about myself.
• Move from feeling a victim to owning responsibility for whatever’s happened. No-one can make you feel what you feel and act how you act. For sure, they may invite you to feel bad in some way, but just because they throw you a ball, doesn’t mean that you have to catch it. Think of your initial response as ‘interesting’ and then make a new decision to stand in your own truth and take whatever you action you know to be appropriate.
• Think back to when and how the negative beliefs about yourself started. There will be a story there somewhere of someone saying something hurtful and upsetting. I can think of at least three from my childhood. My grandmother used to pat me on the knee and say ’My, you’ve got bonny legs’. There was no doubt in my mind that she meant ‘fat’. I carried that belief, and made it into reality all my life, until fairly recently when I looked at a photo of myself aged about ten and realised that actually, I looked pretty normal. My belief that I was unattractive was reinforced by my sisters so kindly calling me ‘warthog’ and further confirmed at school: in primary school I was, for years, in love with Paul, and was desperate for him to ask me to be his partner in country dancing. I was easily the best country dancer, he should have asked me, but he always asked Francine. I think it’s funny now, even a sweet story, but I carried the conviction that it was because I am so unattractive around all my life. Time to let those stories go. Make that decision. Every woman is beautiful.
• Choose to be happy: yes, it really is just a choice. No matter what the circumstance, you can feel authentically sad, angry, whatever and at the same time feel happy. You will truly be astounded at the difference making just this one change will make in your life.

 

 

Here’s my challenge to you: change your story, know that you are beautiful and reclaim your power to be a difference in the world. If you want to know more about the how, look at my website http://julia-eastwood.com or contact me about working with me to release the power at julia@julia-eastwood.com.